Everybody Needs A Hobby: A Review Of Iron Man 3 (2013)

Let’s be honest here. As Tony Stark says, “Everyone needs a hobby.” I’m glad that I’m getting back to mine: watching movies. In an actual theater, nonetheless.

It’s been less than an hour since I’ve seen Iron Man 3, and of course I feel obligated to write something here, albeit brief. Better than nothing, right?

First off, May is turning out to be an exciting month. I already knew that, but now I’m on the slippery slope and realizing I’m probably going to have more fun at the movies than I have for the past couple of years. Iron Man 3 has opened this weekend, followed by Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby next week (already made plans) and J.J. Abram’s Star Trek: Into Darkness on the 17th (already got tickets). After that is The Hangover: Part III, which I may or may not see, but overall that’s a pretty solid four weeks of- hopefully- fun at my local movie theater.

I will be writing about each, and I’m challenging myself to not be “long winded.” Seriously, around 500 words. So how can I pull that off?

Well, everyone loves lists. Without further delay, here are the top ten reasons to go see Iron Man 3. Or things I liked. Or random things the uninitiated won’t understand and be like, “Really? What is she talking about?” GO SEE THE MOVIE THEN. That’s what reviews are for.

Here goes:

10) The end credits are like an opening montage/theme song for a nutty cop show from the 1970s: action shots/blooper reel with sassy happy music! Oh that RDJ, blowing up shit and smiling and stuff…

9) Ben Kingsley destroys a bathroom. Like, destroys it. This is why he wins Oscars.

8) Downton Abbey.

7) Stark being an asshole to a kid. (Sample dialogue: “My dad left.” “Dads leave. No need to be such a pussy about it.”)

6) A Dora The Explorer wristwatch.

5) Jarvis is sounding more and more like Jude Law. Either that or RDJ just has mad chemistry with everyone British. Nix that. Jarvis should totally be played by Jude Law.

4) You will witness the best “bad guy #5” talking himself out of a ugly situation scene: “Honestly, I don’t like working here. They’re so weird.”

3) A Home Depot shopping montage.

2) Ke$ha cameo?

and lastly:

1) It’s not Iron Man 2.

I’m trying to figure out when I contractually obligated myself to see everything Robert Downey Jr. appears in. Seriously, I would watch him in the stupidest shit imaginable (and I have). Is Iron Man 3 my favorite thing he’s ever done? No, but it does exactly what it’s meant to do: entertain us, keep us in suspense and make us laugh. It’s a popcorn film, it’s done well and it’s worth your time.

It’s also Hollywood’s “welcome back” for the exiled writer-director Shane Black. I’m all for that. GIVE THIS MAN MORE WORK. This guy’s writing is as sharp as ever.

Have you seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, for example? If not, just go watch that right now. I’m not joking. Walk away from your computer and see it before I find out and we can’t be friends.

Oh, and don’t be afraid of seeing Iron Man 3. Like I said before, it’s not Iron Man 2.

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