ROFLCOPTER: Spy Vs. Spy Vs. Vagina

(below: that movie you really need to see)

Lately I haven’t cared about film releases, mostly because January and February are graveyards. Studios put out the films they are most ashamed of and hope they are buried and quickly forgotten. Besides, everyone’s just waiting for The Hunger Games or The Dark Knight Rises anyway.

I also haven’t been paying much attention to future releases so I’m pretty uninformed. In fact, two minutes ago my roommate Lauren told me about an apocalyptic comedy starring Keira Knightley and Steve Carell (Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World). How that escaped my attention I’ll never know.

But then there’s this movie (see picture above). It’s been impossible to ignore This Means War. My roommates, family, friends and I have been subjected to TV promos for this movie every 5 seconds. Thing is, we aren’t really sold on seeing it, and when I found out that McG directed it I figured my disinterest must have been instinctual.

McG, best known for directing Sugar Ray music videos, the Charlie’s Angels movies and Terminator Salvation, is also known for being a real piece of work. My favorite anecdote about him came from director Edgar Wright, who said he got a phone call from McG after remaking his show, Spaced, without asking permission. Instead of an apology McG said something like, “Dude, I totally know how you feel. If someone remade Charlie’s Angels I would be really upset.”

Of course, Wright responded to this with stunned silence.

Naturally it was really, really funny to find this review of This Means War in Portland’s Willamette Week, no matter who directed it. Writer Aaron Mesh didn’t like the movie at all, and it’s possible that he may have been on something when he wrote it.  Or maybe it was really late when he finished it.  Or he really didn’t care.  Either way, it is one of the strangest reviews I’ve ever read.

See for yourself. How about starting a fire with chins, or a strange reference to car accident-induced brain damage? Is that actually in the movie?

I’m also intrigued with his description of Tom Hardy (“some muscular person from Inception“). That reminds me of my first ROFLCOPTER post. What is with writers getting Inception‘s supporting cast, well… wrong?

Then penis references happen. In a film review that’s kind of inevitable, right?

I suppose Mesh has a point there. Penises do have to go somewhere, especially in a McG movie.

The review was so weird I told my co-worker Yorda, “I’m sorry, I’ve got to take this home with me” and tore it out of the paper immediately. There was also something about how The Vow was terrible and Channing Tatum was upstaged by his panama hat. I had to read that too.

Overall, I agreed with everything but this:

The order of the names implies that Tom Hardy is the vagina. I heartily disagree because I saw Bronson (2008).


5 thoughts on “ROFLCOPTER: Spy Vs. Spy Vs. Vagina

  1. I could see ‘shrooms involved with this review. Or maybe it was necessary to sit through what looks like an infuriating rom-com with three likable actors (as long as they’re not in this movie).

  2. the ONLY thing that i am having a really hard time wrapping my brain around, is why did Tom Hardy sign up for this movie. It doesn’t fit with anything else he’s done, and certainly doesn’t seem to fit his personality. any interviews where he explains maybe the obscene amounts of money they threw at him so he would take the part, or that he had just been hit with a really hard object on the head?? or he was deprived of oxygen for a long period of time???

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